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Black Hole Dispatch

by Scott Ryan Ingersoll

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1.
The Ladder 05:19
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I had this dream Where I was building a ladder And climbing as I nailed on each new rung No idea Where I was climbing to Tools in my hands, a song on my tongue As I ascended The wooden stairs I assembled The planks along the ground started catching fire As they began to burn I had to keep on moving upward Find the strength to build that ladder ever higher I had shortness of breath as I climbed Nearly froze to death as I climbed Never stopped to rest as I climbed When I had nothing left, still I climbed Relentless Futility and fury I’d add a rung for every one the flames devoured Smoke in my lungs Choking tears back as I wondered If I’d ever touch the ground again or leave this tower I had shortness of breath as I climbed Nearly froze to death as I climbed Never stopped to rest as I climbed When I had nothing left, still I climbed Now we take The steps from lobby to exam room Their using words that sound like good news, I’m relieved But when I close my eyes Still see that dancing light so violent And feel the flames exhaling at my feet I had shortness of breath as I climbed Nearly froze to death as I climbed But I’d do it all again, build that ladder ever higher To keep this one I love out of the fire
2.
Brain Surgery 05:27
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Run through Times Square, the billboards flashing endlessly To catch a show, tonight’s an anniversary The man on stage, the legend that we came to see Begins to sing about, neural pathways and connectivity And he’s holding a brain in his hands And he’s holding a brain On our bedroom floor, you’re crawling on your hands and knees Can’t find the door, the room is spinning endlessly We hold your hands, pain in your head’s excruciating They’re tracking ghosts, on the ER waiting room TV They take you back, they prep the imaging machine With Ninja Turtles on, they tell me that you’re panicking And they’re seeing your brain on the screen And they’re seeing your brain You’re in and out, have moments of lucidity You’re making jokes that you won’t remember telling me It’s 5 am, just laying down to get some sleep On the pull out bed, underneath the single hospital sheet You look so brave as they prep you for your surgery You look so weak, I squeeze your hands and wish it were me I’m home alone, I finally have a chance to think Put on new clothes, sit on our bed and start to weep They’re holding your brain in their hands They’re holding your brain I wake in bed, for a moment, I think you’re next to me Emerge from dreams, to the nightmare that I’m living You’re on the couch, can’t eat, you try and watch TV I’m on the phone, can’t process what they’re telling me You’re holding her brain in your hands You’re holding her brain in your hands You’re holding her brain We sit and wait, your meds give you manic energy They’ve reviewed our case, they say the doctors all agree They’re holding your brain in their hands We’re at the show, the crowd is cheering endlessly Your eyes meet mine and, I know it’s where we’re meant to be
3.
Magnet Meditations 06:39
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Oh...let the mountains collapse on us Oh...let the sun implode on us Oh...let the floods rise around us No...don’t you worry Oh...let the dogs of hell come after us Oh...let the jaws of time devour us Oh...let the rivers turn to blood around us No...don’t you worry Oh...if your eyes leave you blind Oh...I’ll sing songs to you of sunrise No...don’t you worry if the stage lights leave you blind And you can’t remember a single line If the trapdoor opens and swallows you whole If the ground beneath gives way to freefall If you must take your final bow I’ll stand for you at your curtain call
4.
New Leaves 03:34
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I'm turning over All the new leaves Like a game of memory match Where I’m marking the cards and no one’s catching on And I can see them All in a line Everyone they think that I am Like suits in a closet waiting to be put on Oh...how does it feel To know that you might be getting burned? It's not real you know I thought by now you'd learn Have I got you hypnotized? (Melodic riff) Oh...You might be under the spell that I’m casting now So take my picture For the magazine spread I'll be the story for years Till there's no place to escape my growing head...lines Oh...how does it feel To know that you might be getting burned? It's not real you know I thought by now you'd learn Have I got you hypnotized? Why don't you come and be baptized? Oh...you must be under the spell that I’m casting now! Conclusion? Disillusion Solution? Delusion!
5.
When Things Slow Down 02:42
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I keep thinking that I’m growing That I’ve found a forward path But this healing’s never linear And sometimes I snap right back Oh the rings of this mortal coil Wound as tight as they’ve ever been Let me call you back, when things slow down a bit Some nights I’ve laid awake for hours Just letting my brain shout Some days silence feels rejuvenating Some days it’s pregnant with self-doubt Either my thoughts and I don’t get along Or we’re amicable roommates I’ll get back to you, when things slow down a bit I look back at a version of me I no longer recognize A lightness in my steps An easy joy behind my eyes And everyone else seems to be Moving forward with their lives But have they really all left me behind Or will I meet them round the bend I’ll catch up to you, when things slow down a bit Sometimes the forward path’s a circle, Back to where we’ve been I’ll catch up to you, when things slow down a bit Let me call you back, when things slow down a bit
6.
Bottle Episode 04:49
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Watching through my window as winter melts into spring And suddenly a year has passed, I’m watching the same thing Read about half-way through, every book I own Infinitely scrolling the same three apps on my phone I thought we were learning lessons for when this all passed But everything’s obscured through a layer of glass Everything’s obscured through a layer of glass All my circles shrinking, people and routines Laps around the block with the kids, small daily things The illusion of moving forward, just the passing of time While what I hoped to be, remains suspended in my mind All that I hoped to be, remains suspended in my mind No rabbit in this hat No genie in this bottle Stuck behind the glass, can’t do anything but wonder Am I desperate to escape, or do I never want to leave, never want to leave again? At first to wait, it felt like a break And then as if we’d never start again Certainly we’ve reached an end But without new beginnings, the wait feels like death My conjured passing likeness, of what life should be Now it’s breaking down and crumbling around me Recycle these sets and characters to set a new scene Don’t let me stare the divine in the eye, and ask where God has been
7.
Couldn't Stay 06:21
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I was the scent of a coming storm The ashen ghost of a dying flame Now these legs are filled with sand I haven't left the ground for days I always thought I'd run out of poses Run out of lines to read Now that I’ve traced every line around your eyes I'm writing sonnets in my sleep And you were a warm light That beckoned me When you knew I couldn't stay You knew I couldn't stay (repeat) And you held me anyway I never thought outside this room I could feel so incomplete So bare your soul, your skin, your fangs I need to feel you next to me To feel the warm touch The hands that beckoned me When you knew I couldn't stay You knew I couldn't stay (repeat) And you held me anyway Slowly swimming upward and I was Taken by your lure The sweetness of the hook in my mouth The only thing I trust for sure When you knew I couldn't stay You knew I couldn't stay (repeat) And you held me anyway
8.
Sick Day 03:36
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Somewhere in between What remains And circling the drain Between holding with knuckles white And failing to grasp it tight I keep telling myself This’ll be the year Stop singing songs no one will hear It rings false as it leaves my lips And it’s too late, the artwork’s off to print With that off my chest Even then I couldn’t have guessed The twists and turns in the course We’d be driving toward My God you tried to warn Us before It would cost more than we could afford Dropped on this track we didn’t want to be on I can’t lie and say I’m not afraid of what’s beyond How much hope have you got An inexhaustible supply? ‘Cos I’m on the other side Of this dream and I am running dry When it comes, don’t be afraid When you finally fall on your face When you bend and your back breaks Lay your burdens down And pray the new day won’t bring fresh hell
9.
It's Only the Night (feat. Jenny Anne Mannan) 05:54
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Its only the night I won’t let the black hole suck me dry Stealing years of my life Inescapable, even to light No, its only the night Its only the night And though this peak has blocked out the sun Seems insurmountable We’ll continue the climb And we’ll find That it’s only the night When the dawn, breaks again When we will embrace as kin And the earth will continue to spin and spin and spin We’ll remember, It’s only the night Not the end of the line Though that whistle cries It ain’t quitting time This train will roll til those hills are painted gold It’s only the night When you play the flute, let the music move my feet When you sing your sorrows, let me join in your grief And whether its painful parting or rapturous reunion that brings us to weep We’ll remember, It’s only the night When the dawn, breaks again When we will embrace as kin And the earth will continue to spin and spin and spin We’ll remember, It’s only the night

about

“‘New Leaves’ is a fun blast of a track, parts excitingly nostalgic and inventively idiosyncratic.“
- Obscure Sound

“…a challenging but engaging album that draws on years of experience with songwriting, instrumentation and lived experience. Ingersoll works the most difficult of times into a piece of art that does nothing by way of reduction, rather amplifying his struggles into a broadly enjoyable, reflective album.”
- Spokesman Review


This record was born out of the need to process the trauma and grief that came from dealing with my wife’s brain cancer diagnosis in early 2019. While in the thick of her treatment, I couldn’t imagine writing new music, and didn’t even know how to channel all the fear, grief and exhaustion into something meaningful. However, after a brief trip to New York about a year after her diagnosis, I came home creatively energized and began to write. (In fact, we were fortunate enough to catch David Byrne's, "American Utopia," on Broadway, and were taken aback when the curtain went up and Byrne started the show seated at a desk, holding a replica of the human brain, which he proceeded to sing about. We realized at that moment that it had been a year to the day since the discovery of my wife's brain tumor, which helped inspire the song, "Brain Surgery.") I completed the bulk of these songs during this period, with intentions to record them and release a record later that year. At the time, we were finishing up recording an EP with my previous band, Super Sparkle, and I hadn’t made a solo record in almost 4 years. I was ready to stretch myself creatively, and make something that felt more honest and autobiographical than I ever had before. However, this was in January 2020, and what followed of course, was a season of disruption for the entire world. It was a season in which life got a lot smaller, and focused on the immediate needs in front of me, which was mostly caring for my wife and young children. As plans continued to be deferred and music projects remained on hold, my own self-doubt grew until I wondered if I should give it up completely and move on. In the thick of it all, my young son was playing a game one day and handed me a note scrawled on a post it that said, “I am in a blak hol.” It really caught me off guard, and that imagery of black holes resonated with me, the way their gravity pulls in everything, including light and time. It became a central theme as I fought to finish the songs for this record in the midst of COVID and cancer, and convince myself that it was important to complete the work I started, of making something honest, even if it was just for myself. Getting a message out from the heart of the darkness. The final song on the record is called, “It’s Only the Night.” The chorus says: “When the dawn breaks again, and we will embrace as kin, and the earth will continue to spin, we’ll remember it’s only the night.” Half of it was written on the last day of my wife’s chemo treatment. We were about 18 months into her cancer journey, but only about 3 months into the COVID one we had no idea stretched out so far ahead of us. I wrote half of it very much believing that the hope I was singing about was true. I wouldn’t be able to finish it until almost a year later, when it became more of a way to try and convince myself that what I had set out to write was the truth. I’m still hopeful for the dawn to come.

credits

released June 10, 2022

Recorded and Produced by Scott Ryan Ingersoll and Max Harnishfeger

Mixed and Mastered by Caleb Ingersoll

Artwork by Caleb Mannan

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Scott Ryan Ingersoll Spokane, Washington

Scott Ryan Ingersoll is a singer, songwriter, producer and guitarist out of Spokane, WA. Ingersoll spent a decade making records, licensing music for television and performing around Los Angeles before migrating back to the PNW. Scott has continued to write and tour as a solo artist as well as a member of Super Sparkle and Water Monster, and has produced records for Jenny Anne Mannan and Windoe. ... more

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